a week and a half of pure shit!

well, let's see...this just sucks. I'm tired of the kibbutz, tired of its people, tired of this "let's-wait-til-God-gives-us-a-sign-mentality" and definitely tired of being bored.

But I guess you all must be a bit confused now so I should explain myself....

...so they decided I should be the driver for the kibbutz and I was ok with it, assuming that meant a few trips a week and that I could still continue my projects....WRONG! Driver appearantly means being the idiot, being on call 24/7 , driving long hours because people can't organise themselves and instead of one trip you have to do five. It's been so hot and quite humid here and I really struggle with it, I went to the pharmacy to get me some minerals and vitamins, magnesium and salt tablets but around noon I'm still knocked out. Doesn't bother the kibbutz people, though so on Friday I started driving at 8 in the morning until 5 in the eve. No break and at five I just said: "that's it, no more driving today". So I went to my room and had a heat stroke, with fainting, throwing up, bad headache....the works. I was pissed off as well cos there are three other volunteers who have licences but just cos they just don't feel ok driving, I have to do a job which is normally split with two or three others. Normally, there is a "transport manager" but he's in Cape Town for one year and only comes to the kibbutz on weekends but guess what - that's really not my problem. And that's what I told Shaenette, the kibbutz-coordinator on the meeting on monday. I was in a foul mood, I had to stay at home all weekend because I was sick because of this fucking heat stroke. Pissed me right off.
So at the meeting I demanded a schedule because I'm not gonna be on call 24/7, I have other projects and I just wanted to do some driving to help out. And they all know about my CF and that have to do my nebs which means I get up 2 hours early every morning. So I told them to let me know if I'm needed before 8 for driving cos then I'd have to get up in time.
But do you think they care?! Yeah, at the meeting everyone agreed with me, two days later (no schedule has been set up, of course.) they knock on the door at 7 am, wanting me to drive them somewhere. And I refused. I told them, that's not on, I was in the middle of doing my nebs and I'm not jumping whenever someone just fucking snaps their fingers. Fuck that!
So we had a bit of an issue and I told them basically if they keep bitching, they can just find themselves another driver. I'm so tired of this bullshit! I haven't done anything in the library since I got the driver's job, not even talking about doing any exercise. and that's another thing: I asked if I could use the kibbutz car 3 times a week in the mornings to go swimmimg or to the local gym (the places are not that far but to walk there would be something like suicide...)and I have been told it wouldn't be a problem. Turns out, it is. Appearantly the car is needed. And ther's no one who will walk me to the pool and you can't rely on minibus taxis here. Which basically means, I can't go. After I have been stressing for four weeks now, how I need to do some exercise to keep (or get!) my lungs in shape.Pissed me off again.
I realised they had no structure at the kibbutz and I know we can't just show up and tell them how thing are done in "our world" but damn, there's just no support!
On Tuesday the girls organised a Valentines ball with music and a dance competition and they had to pay for the prices and printing the posters out of their own pockets! And of course, Shaenette scanned the music because as a christian, they can't listen to bad language. so half of the chosen hip hop / R'n'B Songs got kicked out five minutes before the ball started.
Funny thing though, when the girls started getting ready for the ball(clothes, make-up, hair, etc.) they actually showed up with this hair straightener which is at least the size of a blow-dryer and I was like "what the hell..?!" I mean, if you're backpacking, don't you just carry the stuff that's absolutely necessary for the trip..? The very last thing I would pack is a bloody hair straightener..!! Well, I guess, my definition of "absolutely necessary" differs very much from theirs, hehe... was great fun watching them all do each others hair, though..;) They asked us if we wanted our hair done as well, and Doreen and I were just like :" nah, thanks, we're alright". If I ever change my mind about that, letting them make my hair look like spaghetti, I'll make sure to post a picture..haha
Thursday (this week) I started to feel better so I went swimming in the morning (lucky me- a taxi came along!) and in the arvo I went to the town hall where Juan (the non-christian at the kibbutz I told you about) works. He introduced me to Colin, a friend of his whom he met in prison and who's working in the economic/tourism department here in Breede Valley (Worcester is part of that). I said I'd be interested in doing some voluntary work for him and he has actually worked and lived at the kibbutz and...well, he's not a fan at all. He found it quite boring (it is!) and not at all structured (that's what I'm saying!). He's annoyed by the christian holy-holy attitude and he just felt like his time there was kinda wasted. Juan himself is critisizing a lot about the kibbutz so I'm not really sure why he's still living there. It just feels good to talk to people outside of the kibbutz and hear their opinion about it (which in some cases is not that different from mine). So I'll be working with Colin once a week, starting next tuesday and I'm quite excited. I feel so bored at the kibbutz cos first you have to find something to do but then you don't get any support and sometimes they don't even want you to do certain things because they know you're leaving sooner or later.
Then they told us yesterday that we have a class of 5-6 year olds today at the creche all day from 8am-2pm. we have to do some teaching and we were supposed to be given a lesson plan cos we don't even know those kids nor their level of skills. To no one's surprise, the lesson plan never arrived. And they told us about the class last night so we didn't have any time nor material to prepare anything so I knew we were bound to be frustrated at the end of the day. None of us has teaching experience, I only have done the TEFL course but all the exercises there assume you know the kids' level of english.
Oh, I just had no idea.....
So Angie, Kate and I walked into the class this morning, full of energy and also very unsure of what to do but basically we felt quite confident about getting things done somehow.
Then we stood in front of 52 kids, most of them fighting, throwing chairs or rucksacks at each other, pulling each others hair, crying, jumping on the tables, etc. CHAOS. And they wouldn't listen. I mean, we tried every bloody thing....nope. They just didn't give a shit. They even hit Angie (poor girl isn't much taller than the kids) so I just had it. I just did mayor damage prevention but there's absolutely no way to do any teaching. And I was pissed off at Natalie, whose class we were having for not giving us any assistance. At two the three of us were dead. I mean, Kate and Angie had been screaming at them for 6 hours straight. And we all agree thet this was the first and the last time of having a class in the creche on our own.

So yeah, for this weekend we hired a car to (finally!) get back to Cape Town and relaxing at the chill'n'surf backpackers. And guess who's driving..?! Hehe..yep, it's me! But I don't mind that much, this isn't the kibbutz car.
Then I hired a car for the next two weeks, see how it goes with my extercise. maye I'll have to get one for the rest of my stay cos the Kibbutz is driving me mad. And now I'm over the flu, so I really wanna do some sports. I went swimmimg the other day and it was awesome! I felt so much better afterwards!
Tonight there's a pool party down the road, tomorrow we're off to the beach to catch a wave or two (and probably bust our arses more than once on that bloody board!!), another party saturday night, chilling out on sunday and watching some new volunteers arive and then Sunday eve or Monday morning head back to the Kibbutz...even though we all don't feel like going back for a while. The girls are off anyways in two weeks time and when i see them planning their trips around Soth Africa I just wanna pack my bags and go. I really don't think I want to do the kibbutz for another two months if it's the way it has been for the past 4 weeks. Doreen wants to go to Johannesburg at the end of march and asked if i wanted to join her. Get a job, not voluntary though. Just something that pays for food and accomodation. Maybe in a hostel or something. But then I feel like I've failed again, leaving the kibbutz early. I dunno, I guess I have to think about it real good before I make a decision. I guess I shouldn't have put it on this blog yet, this whole idea of leaving early but, hell, I thought I'd let you know what's going on in my mind. Anyways, I won't make a decision any time soon. see if things get better or whatever.

So enough of the bitching, sorry for this ill-mooded post everyone but I'm just annoyed at the moment and I had ti get things off my chest. And, this is my blog anyways so I can be bitchy if I wanna..:)
Before I head off and get ready for the party, thanks guys for the lovely emails and comments, I especially enjoy reading them at the moment when things are not the greatest here.

And Doc, I know this is pathetically late but I haven't been on the net since my last post so I just wanted to wish you a belated "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", Harro said you'd be out of town (smart move, really!)but I hope you had a great day and you're enjoying your holidays in the warm weather! And thanks for the kind post by the way!